Tuesday, May 31, 2011

MAN MAGNET OR COCK BLOCKER!

The other day I was walking Trooper down the street. Between her heart-stopping good looks and cute little waddle, people inevitably stop to pet her and hug her. 
She eats this stuff up and loves the attention. But beware ladies and gentlemen, behind the cute little face with the crooked teeth, lurks a vicious beast. As this attractive man bent down to shower her with kisses, Trooper spotted a dog about 100 feet away. And then it was on.


It starts with heavy breathing which quickly turns into a gurgle. And then it's full-on Tasmanian Devil.
Her growl is so frightening, people find it hard to believe that these horrible sounds are coming out of this little dog. When they see me carrying her in my arms to try to calm her down, the looks of adoration quickly turn to looks of "we better lock up our children".


Trooper has leash aggression, meaning that when she is with other dogs off-leash at the dog park, she is great. But put her on a leash and approach with another dog...the fiery gates of hell are swung open. I've come to learn that this behavior is actually because I have become her property and she is protecting me. I've gotten to a point where I can read her pretty well and anticipate one of these tantrums. I wind up picking her up and hiding behind a parked car or tuck into a driveway until the approaching threat passes. To the average person walking down the street, Trooper and I look like a couple of growling assholes. But being the single man that I am, and being the "man-magnet" that she is...this can be a bit of a problem.
I'm not stupid. I know Trooper's cuteness can help me snag a man. But I can't tell you how many times a hot guy has bent down to pet Trooper only to have Trooper "cock-block" me because an approaching dog has turned her into Ms. Hyde.
She has the same reaction with squirrels. And trucks. And bicycles. And skateboards. And often straight men. I'm not sure how she honed her gaydar skills...but she can sniff out an over abundance of testosterone a mile away. This actually comes in handy so I don't wind up sniffing the butt of some unavailable man. A great skill to have.
So my darling daughter, Trooper...please just do your job of attracting potential dates for your Daddy and stop acting like a crazy nut-bag. Thank you.

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