Thursday, May 19, 2011


Little girls dream of being a princess. Thanks Kate Middleton for replacing Snow White, Cinderella and all of the other royals as the latest source of false hope for little girls world-wide.

One only needs to pay a visit to my place of employment to know how much this is true. The Bibbity-Bobbety Boutique is a cash cow that transforms plain little girls into glamorous princesses. Actually, they come out looking more like Snookie from Jersey Shore, with their hair all jacked up with so much glitter, you'd think it was the mirror-ball trophy from "Dancing With The Stars". But I digress.

The princess fantasy, of being rescued by a handsome prince, permeates our culture. Girls around the world dream of finding the perfect man (or woman...if she's a lipstick lesbian princess). But what I've come to discover is that the princess fantasy also secretly lurks in the hearts of gay middle-aged men.

Yesterday I went to see the movie "Bridesmaids". Hilarious film with great comic performances. However there is a scene where a cop (played by Chris O'Dowd) stops Kristen Wiig's character and they begin a romance. 

I have to tell you...that sent me over the edge. I realize that this is all smoke and mirrors...but where are these so-called princes for underdogs The thought of a nice, average, smart, funny guy is really appealing. Granted my prince fantasy used to look more like this...
...but I've gotten more realistic.

After the movie (which I saw by myself, by the way), I was chuckling out loud like a crazy person until I hit the depression wall. I suddenly felt lonely as I tossed out my small popcorn for one. Do I actually have a princess fantasy too? 

How many times have I lurked around the produce section hoping some single, wealthy doctor would hold a couple of peaches in his hands and then cough twice? Oh how we would laugh at dinner parties telling our friends how we met at Ralph's.

Or going in the single rider line at a theme park and getting seated next to a handsome architect who also loves roller coasters. "Please hold my hand on that first drop!"

Or telling our twin Korean babies how Daddy met Daddy at Pinkberry and shared a lychee-pomegranate  mix with yogurt chips, strawberries and coconut. "Or was it almonds? Oh you tell it honey. You know how I tend to embellish."

Or meeting that famous actor who is trying to appear incognito while waiting for rush seats at the Ahmanson. "I really love your work." "I really love yours too." "Oh thank you. Want to grab dinner before the show?" Smash cut to my husband getting an Oscar--"I'd like to thank my beautiful, Tony Award winning soul-mate without whom I wouldn't be standing up here right now". Close-up on me beaming, while spinning my Tony for the camera--with a single tear trickling down my face. "It's all you baby! It's all you!"

And then it all comes to a screeching halt when I open the front door and discover my dog has taken a dump in the living room. After I clean it up, I look at the fuzzy faces of my dog and cat staring at me as if to say, "What's next?" 

And I breathe and express gratitude for I may not have the prince, but the love in my life just happens to have a little more fur on it right now. And for now that's fine with me. 

But if a Prince comes along...he better not shit on my rug!

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