Monday, April 18, 2011



Well it's official! Rebecca Black's song "Friday" will be performed on "Glee". It continues to amaze me that we celebrate mediocrity. I'm sure Miss Black is a delightful teenager with a great imagination. But her rise to fame through YouTube is both shocking and disturbing. The fact's a shitty song. If Stephen Sondheim heard the song, I'm sure he'd throw up in his mouth when he heard the lyric, "Sunday comes after-wards." And I certainly don't begrudge people of their 15 minutes of fame.  But what happened to the time when people people had to have "chops" in order to become famous? 2 words--YouTube. (Or is that considered one word?)

Now I love a good train wreck like the rest of us. But when I was young--in the days of carbon copies and "trapper keepers"--people got degrees in Music and Theatre, maybe went to New York and worked their asses off to achieve success in show business. Now it seems all you need is a camcorder and a crazy idea.

What's also disturbing to me is that Rebecca Black has become America's antihero and whipping girl. Now granted, she is the one who put it out there and has "made her bed". Maybe she is not the most talented girl in the world, but the wave of infamy that she has achieved in such a short period of time is kind of scary. Isn't that what happened in WWII? Not that Hitler was singing "Friday" with Eva in a convertible, but his rapid rise to fame stemmed from his public appearances as a dynamic speaker and people actually listening. Now before some of you get all uppity about "Sumner comparing a teenage girl to Hitler" ...RE-FREAKIN-LAX! I'm not. Unless you know something I don't know. Crap! Is Rebecca Black planning on conquering the world and creating a master race of singing teenagers who ride in cars? AHHHHH!

I know first hand the impact Black has had on pop culture because I am guilty of making a "Friday! Friday!" joke as Genie. The reaction and wave of laughter that those two words get is always amazing to me. I'm sure there is a sociologist out there somewhere studying the behavior of the masses to bad YouTube videos. I find it interesting that "sitting in the front seat, sitting in the back seat, which seat should I take" has made her both a villain and a hero depending on who you talk to.

So Glee is the next big showcase for Black's Friday. (Ooh just realized how ironic the previous is.) Will they perform it as a legit song or will they be the next to thrust a musical sword into the teens anthem of partyhood?


When I was a kid, my parents got me a tape recorder. It was one of the best presents I ever got because it allowed me to express my creativity and then hold my relatives hostage as I played back my stupendous audio masterpieces. One of the things I recorded was a song I made up called "Easter Bunny". Why would a Jewish boy would want to write an ode to a Christian-related holiday? Simple. I was a closet-Christian. More on that in another blog entry.

My point is, if YouTube had existed back then--in the days of Atari and first runs of the Brady Bunch--I too could have been achieving fame with the brilliance of my lyrics. So now, for the first time on the internet, here are the mesmerizing lyrics to the bewitching song, "Easter Bunny".

Easter Bunny
Lyrics by Jeff Sumner

Easter Bunny hops to your house.
He brings you lots of candy.
For a happy holiday kiss.
He brings you lots of candy.

Notice the repetition of the "bringing of lots of candy". While composing this, it was my intention to really drive home the theme that a child appreciates an abundance of candy on Easter. Additionally one might notice that the Easter Bunny is also an affectionate fellow and delivers a "happy holiday kiss". Which brings up several questions. Do bunnies have lips? Are they able to sense when a child needs love? And what of this "hopping"? Can one bunny actually make it to each and every household delivering candy without some sort of vehicle? And what of these multiple kisses? Does he have herpes from his multiple kissing partners? Can't he catch mononucleosis? And as he is spreading oral diseases should parents be concerned that their children are making out with rabbits?

So you see, like Rebecca Black, I too have a future as a lyricist. I think I need to make a video and post it on YouTube. Screw all those years of acting, voice and dance training. My golden ticket was there all along!

1 comment:

  1. This may enable you to breathe a little more easily: