Friday, April 22, 2011



No doubt, there have been prominent gay people throughout history. And nowadays there are gay actors, characters and images all over TV. But when I was a kid, there were no real gay people on TV. And if there were, I didn't know it. Sure Paul Lynde would be giving the nation clues through his clever, hilarious answers on Hollywood Squares. But as a young child, I was watching PBS shows like Sesame Street, The Electric Company and the place where I encountered my first lesbian--Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.


Lady Elaine Fairchilde was a feisty, lonely museum curator who always had outstretched arms...but not for hugging. She lived and worked alone in a spinning building called a Museum-Go-Round. 

And she always seemed angry and constantly at odds with King Friday.
It was always clear to me that Lady Elaine could kick some King Friday ass if she wanted to. I mean lets face it, King Friday was a pansy and married to the frigid Queen Sarah, so this was a classic example of "pussy-whipping".

But Lady Elaine was a husky woman compared to some of her frail, brittle boned puppet counterparts and didn't take shit from anyone. She was not afraid to speak her mind and was a classic alcoholic. You would drink too if you spent your life alone in a spinning Museum-Go- Round. And how else would you explain the Rosacea? 


1. Lady Elaine Fairchilde took over the Museum-Go-Round after a family of frogs moved out and was good at manipulating real estate deals. Not that this is a classic lesbian trait, but I am convinced she used her dykey-wiles to intimidate the frogs so they would move out.

2. She would demonstrate super human strength by physically moving her Museum-Go-Round to different parts of the Land of Make Believe.

3. She had a magic device called her Boomerang-Toomerang-Zoomerang which not only was employed to make mischief for King Friday, but also served as her vibrator.

4. She frequently played accordion, a classic lesbian instrument.

5. Clearly not a lipstick lesbian, she chose fabrics resembling brown burlap.

6. Now here is the conundrum--Lady Elaine Fairchilde had a huge affinity for roosters (cocks) and loved astronomy and rocket ships. Hmm. Phalluses all around. Were these clues that maybe she was actually just a confused straight woman experimenting and going on vacation to the Dinah Shore Classic? Or was she having Lady Betty Aberlin over for late-night Boomerang-Toomerang-Zoomerang sessions in her Museum-Go-Round?


Perhaps Lady Elaine was influential on my extensive history of lesbian employers. I have worked several jobs where my boss could easily have been a Lady Elaine Fairchilde. And believe me...they were tough. The were on me like white on rice. But they helped instill in me a good work ethic and gave me backbone. Perhaps I was the pussy-whipped King Friday to their Lady Elaine. But THIS King Friday was boning Daniel Tiger. So there!


Today, I have many lesbian friends. Had it not been for Lady Elaine Fairchilde I might not have ever know what a lesbian was. So I salute you Lady Elaine and your delightful spinning house of muff-diving curiosities. I hope you are sober and that your rosacea has cleared up. You inspire me to fix my car. 

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