BIRTHDAYS AND TRANNY-BABIES!

PRINCE OR PRINCESS?

Fairly recently, a Toronto couple made headlines about keeping their baby's gender a secret from the public. While this may produce a well-integrated and stable child according to some...it's a pain in the ass for entertainers like myself.

While doing Pat E. Cake yesterday, I went up to an African American child who was sitting with its family during the cake decorating part of the party. The child was around 4 years old had the cutest pigtails and was wearing a birthday button that said "Jaydin". So I said, "Well happy birthday Princess Jaydin!"


The mother immediately shot me daggers and said, "It's PRINCE Jaydin. PRINCE!!!" Embarrassed, I rebounded and made some sort of a lame joke about not being able to grow beautiful...uh...handsome pigtails myself except for on my back. They didn't think it was funny and poor Jaydin decided to forego the cake-judging and just started eating. I tried to make up for my faux-pas later by singing the Mickey Mouse closing song to the dad--"Why? Because we like you! M-O-U-S-E." He clearly didn't like me, and I'm sure wanted me to "F-U-C-K-O-F-F"!

Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of audience participatory entertainers all over the world, would you please just give us a hint as to weather your child is a boy or a girl?! When a bald man with a cake on his head comes up to your child to wish him/her/it a happy birthday and he asks the child's name...please do not reply "Sanoosh". When I am looking at you with panic in my eyes trying to assign the title of Prince,  Princess, or Transgendercess, don't tell me your child's name is "Ping"! And for God's sake, when I am trying to determine what the hell your child is wearing so I don't have to refer to your baby as "It", would you please just throw me a freakin' bone and not tell me your child's name is "Fire Walker"!


Now granted, many people think my nephew Barrett is a girl because he is so pretty and loves flowers. But he is no tranny-baby. He is most definitely a boy and his mother (or I) will be the first to correct you in a non-embarrassing way.

But to get mad at poor Pat E. Cake, because you took your little boy to the Bibbity-Bobbity-Boutique to get glitter in his hair so he looks like Snookie for Chrissake, is downright unfair!

I will say that 99% of the children at the party can easily be determined to be a boy or a girl. But why is it always that damn 1% that has defiant parents who have an email complaint ready to go with one finger on the "send" button. Don't get me wrong here. If parents want to raise their child in a genderless environment, more power to them. And my heart goes out to those families who have children that are truly trapped in the body of the opposite sex.  But parents...if gender identity is an issue for your family, don't cause unnecessary embarrassment for your child by assuming silly entertainers like myself can instantly determine the sex of your child. Please don't crucify the birthday clown! 


Holy shit! I just called myself a birthday clown. All these years of acting training and it's come to this. Oh what the hell! I'm working birthday clown who entertains non-gender specific children. Talk about a niche.