Tuesday, June 28, 2011


Every parent thinks their child is the cutest, most adorable, and most talented baby on the planet. Time and again, I've seen parents fawn over their perfect little children when they actually look as attractive as ground beef. Dog owners are even worse. I can't tell you the number of times people have said to me, "Isn't my dog cute?" Ladies and Gentlemen...this is not cute:
That doesn't mean to say that if this were my dog, that I would love it any less. But let's get real here. The above is not attractive. This is cute:
Now granted, I've already had the talk with Trooper and said, "Sweetie, you will never become a model because of your bottom snaggle teeth." (As a father, I believe in being realistic with my children.) "Trooper--the road of expectation is paved with disappointment." She seemed to take this news well. But despite that she needs braces for her bottom teeth, she's still pretty f-ing cute. Which brings me to the dog park.

I have recently discovered that there is a hierarchy at the dog park that has been created by some snooty dog-freaks causing my poor Trooper to develop low self-esteem issues. 
Every time we visit the dog park, there is a group of dog owners that socializes in the corner while their dogs run amuck all over the place. Now Trooper is not the most social of dogs, but she is certainly getting better. I keep encouraging her to make new friends and stop isolating. But since a dog's vocabulary is only about 150 words, I don't think "isolate" is something she understands. Nevertheless, she has made tremendous progress. She now goes up to other dogs and sniffs their butts and let's others do the same. And she's great with other dog owners. She walks right up to strangers, flashes her adorable smile and makes friends instantly.
But not with the dog park "A-List". When she waddles over to say hello, they all look at her like she is some freak and don't even give her the time of day. Mind you, I always say hello to their dogs and comment on how cute they are (even though they look hideous). But these assholes sit and gossip about everybody at the dog park and pass judgement on everyone as if they are the dog-park American Idol judges. When I walk by, I over hear them dishing the dirt on some other dog owner with a barrage of "get hers" and "did you hear what she dids". They remind me of the "Pick-A-Little" ladies from the "Music Man". 
Trooper couldn't give a shit about this. But it annoys me that this so-called dog park royalty is treating my baby like she is some common peasant! And when the dogs of the royal court start to run around and play, Trooper barks at them from the edge of the park drawing scowls from their owners as if to say, "That horrible mongrel's father ought to muzzle that hideous creature".  So I scoop Trooper up and give her a belly rub, making her the envy of all the others puppies in the park--royal or not.

So FUCK YOU dog park schmucks! My Trooper is a QUEEN! And so is her father! So get up off your fat asses and show your own dog's some love instead of passing judgement on others that are not part of your stupid club. I'm proud to be on the D-List. D for dog!
So now Trooper is going to do her affirmations in the mirror -- "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And dog gawnnit, people like me!"

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