TWITTER SHMITTER

I'm back Junk Drawer fans. Sorry I have been absent. But finding funny shit to write about has been hard. BTW- Something is up with the photo editor, so I am unable to post pics. :-(


TWEET, TWEET, TWEET!


So in the age of social media, I am embarrassed to say that I do not understand Twitter. I feel like my grandmother-- "Oh those damn kids and their rock-n-roll"! I actually have a Twitter account but don't really use it. I'm more of a Facebook kind of guy who updates his status every time he goes "big-girl-potty-sit-down". But I am intrigued by the immediacy of Twitter.


I was watching "The Voice" last night. (Side note to Christina Aguilara's stylist: please do not dress Christina like she is going to the pool at a Miami hotel. Black stretch pants, over sized T-shirt,...and will someone please buy that girl a brush!)


Anyhoo--on "The Voice" they have this backstage "Twitter Room" which is supposed to resemble a war-room of sorts simply buzzing with activity of viewers tweeting (or twatting...not good with the terminology yet) their responses to the singers. There is some girl who, with forced excitement, keeps saying to the host Carson Daly, "Ooh things are really trending in here, Carson!" Funny, but when I look at this flurry of activity in the trending room, I see a few bad, bored singers looking awkward like they are at a junior high school dance enjoying a glass of punch. My advice--scrap the "trending room" for season two--cause it's retarded.


So back to me tweeting. I think I used it once. I know that many people love twooting and twatting, but quite honestly, I haven't seen a twat in years. So I am thinking of enrolling in a class to learn about Twitter. I have to say that this lack of knowledge is really making me feel my age and I need to keep up. I guess I hate the idea that I these Twitter "followers" will be on my heels like I'm Jesus or something waiting for me to do something interesting and tweet the bible. Oh the pressure! 


And there is a whole new vocabulary. Now I am supposed to know that this "#" or "hash mark" is the magical key to "Twatland"and does something important. (There's something about the word twat that is so satisfying.) And what of this "trending"? Is this the new word for "popular". So to hide my ignorance of any of this new-fangled jargon, I am going to pretend like I know what I am talking about.


Or I suppose I could just go and read the directions on Twitter...but that would be too easy. Anyway--I may be recruiting followers soon so I can twat you.